Trouble Is...

Trouble is, when you hit the ground running, you're liable to crash into something...
Well, flew to Vegas, last Wednesday made the decision to take dad off of life support.
He was actually semi-lucid enough to understand the ramifications of it all. He didn't see the point of living with no quality of life.
Friday he went to hospice..we spent 12 hours a day at his bedside, mostly watching him sleep.
We tried to wake him up on Sunday (Christmas) before we left, but he wouldn't wake, just groggilly said OK when we said we were going.
Dad died this morning.
I'm still so worn out from it all...worked the next morning at 05:00 and then drove the following day to Tulsa to finalize some stuff for my new job.
The hospice called me while I was getting my pre-hire physical.
I just want to curl up in a ball and collapse, you know?
I don't think I can get out there for any of the "sevices" if you want to call it that.
He didn't want a funeral, wanted to be cremated.
We arranged for the cremation, he's going to be burried at the veteran's cemetary in Boulder City, NV.
Why does this all make me feel guilty?
This all just sucks.

So Begins The End

I knew this day would come, I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. (Though, anytime is too soon)
When my dad had to have a quadurple bi-pass a couple of years ago I flew out to Vegas and was made medical power of attorney before the procedure.
Since then, we've had a few scares, but now it's looking like the end.
Dad is in the hospital, had to have a G-Tube put in because he failed three swallow studies and was aspirating all his oral intake. He told me that he saw no reason for living since he couldn't walk or drive and now he can't eat.
Well, I think he is chosing to go. They are increasing his dopamine and dobutamine and still his heart is failing. He's becoming increasingly disoriented.
They want to move him to hospice and make him a catagory 3, which means they want to take him off of what life support he's on.
Now, I have to fly out to Vegas and make that decision.
I'm going to lose my daddy for Christmas.

Do You Hear That?

Can you hear it? I'm sure if you hold your ear close enough to the monitor you can hear my stomach grumbling.
As the move comes closer, I'm craving all the traditional Omaha fravorites before I go.
Like McDonalds and Wendy's...
Seriously. I am having some serious jonesing for Valentino's and I haven't even left yet.
I think it's in anticipation for not haveing free access to it any time I want.
There goes my stomach again.
So, I think I may pick up one of thier lunches on my way to work.
Funny, it's all Pizza I want before I go.
Valentino's
Don Carmelo's
Godfathers.
Not so much Runzas, like so many do, but I just may just to say that I did.

The Morning After

No surprise U2 tickets.
No surprise party.
No surprise anything for that matter.
Why am I still wearing the duty cap I put on to take my daughter to school?
Wife got a baby sitter.
We went to Chipotle Grill.
They have some pretty good stuff for semi-fast food. If you have never been there, it's a step up fom Taco Bell, but much more expensive.
Like it a ton, but you just can't beat the bean for you buck with Taco Bell.
The rest of the night was spent just walking the mall and talking "uninterrupted" with the wife.
Nice, relaxing night.

-until-

Got a call from a nurse in Vegas when I got home. Dad is in the hospital again after being found on the floor of his retirement home. Can't swallow anymore and has to have a G-Button put in.
Is on two different type of Inotropes, because of CHF. I think my dad is just wearing down, I don't think he realizes that with the G-button he won't be able to go back to the retirement center and will have to go to a nursing home. It's hard to process a parent getting too old, you know? It's hard to grasp the reality that they are not long for this world. I can only pray that he comes to a point of contrition before he goes. Not looking forward to "The Call", but I know it's more than likely going to come soon.

Today Is...

Today is my birthday...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
It's my birthday too, yeah...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
I'm self graciating...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
I'm drinking coffee...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
It's Starbucks' Christmas blend...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
This is getting to be over kill...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
So, stop reading if you don't like it...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
You must really have no life, yeah...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
If you're still reading this crap...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
ok, I'm boring myslef too....nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
So, I'm going to stop now...nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...
no, seriously...I really am...

Christmas Shopping.

Holy, cow. The wife is so hard to shop for.
Well, lack of cash kind of makes it more difficult, but sheesh.
She really doesn't want anything except practical stuff and the only thing I know she really needs is a practical thing, but HOLY CROW, can you say even the cheap stuff is expensive. I got what I know she needs, but hasn't mentioned needing and only SOME of the stuff she asked for and I already know I've spent over 3x what she is willing to spend on me (not jealous, just know she's not going to be happy with the amount I spent)
[Iced Grande Caramel Macchiato]



I still need to go out for more.
Grrr.

and

What the heck are the stores doing being so busy on a weekday morning anyway?
Don't people have jobs or something?

I did go to the mall kiosque (sp?) and got my Starbuck's regular: Quad, Iced Venti, six pump vanilla Caramel Macchiato.
Found a mall gift card with a couple of bucks on it, used my partner discount and it all only cost me $0.99

I did have the opportunity of putting a saucy note on a buddy's windshield when I saw his car.
:snicker: Can't wait to ask him how his day went today.

It's That Time Of Year Again.

Make A Flake

Not to mention that I have insomnia.

Did I make this Html work?

Sleepless In Omaha

Yeah, the title is cliche, but it's my blog, so come up with your own clever title on your own blog.
I hate this insomnia thing. Usually, I can go down to the couch and I'll sleep after a bit, but my mind is going a billion miles per hour.
I'm not one to get nervous or worry, but I can't stop thinking about Tulsa and the new job.
A ton to think about, you know?
Moving my entire family, only after being away from them for six weeks. (boo, hoo, soldiers are in Iraq for a year away from thier families)
Not making nearly what I was expecting. (And you're making more now?)
With an EMT-B partner, it's all on me. (So you went to Paramedic school so someone else can make all the decisions?)
blah, blah, blah..it goes on and on in my head.

Tulsa Bound

Tulsa Bound!

I have no idea what kind of song may go with that.  I was kind of digg’n on the Little Rock song, but I’m sure I would have gotten rather tired of it pretty quickly.
There are enough country singers in Tulsa that there HAS to be a catchy song about Tulsa that I’m not ware of.  If anyone knows of one, let me know.
But, I digress.
EMSA called me yesterday and apologized for not sending an offer letter and offered me over the phone.
I accepted, well, at least I’ll sign the paper when they finally do send it to me.
The pay is much less than I had hoped, but I firmly believe this is the job I am supposed to take.
The academy begins January 9th.  (My son’s church dedication is the afternoon on the 8th, so I’m going to have to break the speed limit driving down to Tulsa.)  Ok, academy is 6 weeks long and pretty intense, they say.  The family will move down after the academy is done.  Much less stress and distraction with that arrangement not to mention that my oldest will be done with her semester in mid-January.
It’s so stink’n cold up here that I’m looking forward to any incremental temperature increase this winter, no matter how small it may be.  Ask me this summer how I feel about the winter when my dashboard is melting.
Now, I have to break the news to my mother.  She’s going to be majorly bummed that I am moving her favorite grandchildren away from her.

Again With The Waiting...

It's been non-stop Starbuck's since I've returned from Tulsa.
I think the interview went rather well.
It was sincerely the most enjoyable interview I've ever had.
Very relaxed. Nice, nice people.
The salary the quoted me was much, much lower than I had anticipated or hoped for.
Grrr....I don't know how long Little Rock will be before they even contact me for an interview/testing phase, so I may be inclined to accept the Tulsa job if they offer it to me.
I was hoping for an offer letter today, but they DID say that I should hear from them by letter no latter than Tuesday.
When I have had corporate jobs, I have negotiated for a higher salary, but I am not too sure I feel comfortable negotiating with this kind of job. It is an hourly pay kind of job. It's only 3 x 12 hour shifts a week, so there is ample opportunity for extra shifts at overtime so it COULD possibly work out better. I have felt more secure negotiating in the past because I have been in more stable, better paying jobs that I could use as a platform, but I am barely making ends meet at Starbuck's.
I dunno, time will tell. Got to trust that God has it all in control. I tend to try to make things happen on my own.
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