Saturday, November 01, 2008

The Lord Taketh And The Lord Giveth

The Lord Giveth

It was a long time coming but the day finally happened.
Oct 21st the adoptions were finalized!
Woo, hoo!
For those of you who missed it we have been in the process of trying to adopt my great niece and nephew.
Moriah and Asher were my niece’s kids.
Long story short.
It’s been a long, hair pulling frustrating process, but we now an official family of 8.
Every one of the kids are Ecstatic.
Deanana and I are happy to get the weight off the shoulders and be a family.
Thank you Jesus.

The Lord Taketh

Yesterday I had my gallbladder out.
I’ve been having increasingly worse and increasingly more frequent epigastic pain since 2002.
It was one thing when I only had to grit my teeth and bare through 24 h ours of pain every 6-8 weeks. When it became once and twice a week… No, not going to do it.
Three years ago in Omaha they ran every test under the sun and found nothing.
Since moving to Tulsa it’s when it’s gotten worse. (maybe it’s Tulsa)
I had a doctor down here who only wanted to have me take Prilosec even though I told him that after 6 years of trial that PPI and Histamine-2 blockers and such didn’t work. He insisted that they would.
I changed doctors. And voila, after a series of tests they found a diseased gallbladder.
Six scars across my torso will be worth the elimination of the agony.So, now I have two weeks off of work (I’m going stir crazy the day after surgery so let’s see how that goes)

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

A Black September

Today marks a year of Sheyn's death.
I remember the joy in my heart when I was dialing his number to tell him I was going to take him to see his favorite football team play. Just the two of us having the quality brother time that he so deserved, but I had never given him.
How quickly that emotion changed.
Like driving your new sports car into a brick wall.
I have dreaded this day as it approached.
One year has not made it easier.
My heart is still heavy.
My eyes filled with tears.
I think of him often.
You never appreciate what you have until you lose it.
I miss him so much.

I saw the Eagles in concert Saturday.
Simply amazing.
Watching such Iconic musicians play right in front of me.
Glenn Fry, Don Henley, Timmothy B Shmit and Joe Walsh.
I thought of how much Sheyn loved music.
Watching Joe Walsh play the guitar I thought, "Wow, Sheyn would have really enjoyed seeing him play." I was having such a good time, but began weeping because you weren't there.
I wasn't able to call you and tell him about it.

Sheyn was more amazing than I ever really knew.
I am blown away by how many people still miss him so much.
People that just stop by my mom's house just to see Sheyn's mom.
Heck, there was even a memorial concert with several bands to raise money for his favorite charity in his memory.

Today sucks.

I miss you Sheyn.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

O Captain my Captain!

O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

~Now, I hope that is the extent of what Whitman has for me as Captain, otherwise I'll be lying cold and dead on the deck. ;)

So, I've been at my job for 27 months and have promoted from Lieutenant to Captain in less than a year. Dang, I'm blown away and blessed.
I honestly did not expect it.
I've always tried to hope for the best, but expect the worst.
Kind of fatalistic maybe....

They know that I'm also testing for the Fire Department and have promoted me anyway.
It's flattering, but perplexing.
Maybe they are showing that they are clearing the path to promotion to Major soon and it's their way of trying to retain me. If so they have not said anything to that regard.

While EMSA has been very, good to me and I thoroughly enjoy my job , I have to move forward and see what God has planned for me.
I'll train and prepare for Fire, yet I will serve my new post faithfully and with every effort to honor the confidence my superiors have placed in me.
This is the direction I believe He has for me and will follow it until he says otherwise.
So, we'll see how it goes.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

"Grail" Expectations

The first time we saw Grail he was five months old. The birth family and adoption councilor were all oohs and aahs about how much he loved to snuggle in. Curious that they thought there was nothing wrong with the fact that a five month old could not lift his head. Most likely they blamed the Down Syndrome. Just like the glee they had in his lack of tongue control. “What do you expect, he has Down Syndrome” I made a vow to myself that I would expect more. No excuses, higher expectations. We saw right away that he was a people person. Grail loved to make eye contact. Loved to make interactive noises (His way of talking) to those in the room. Therapists told us that Grail’s awareness was a good sign. They hinted that his DS was on the “Milder” side. My resolve to have higher expectations for my son grew. I would have none of this sitting in the corner with his tongue hanging out. I envisioned my son with a job.
I just knew he’d be able to have a job busing tables or emptying the trashcans at the food court. I just knew that once he was old enough to leave home he’d be able to live in a group home with other DS adults and become pseudo-self sufficient.

As Grail grew he became much more physically active, strong and capable. He could run and climb. People in the nursery would call him, “That Fast kid”. I cultivated my expectant thoughts in the self-satisfied, if not sanctimonious recesses of my mind. Each milestone we celebrated as a little victory and every time pride welled within me as we saw how Grail grew into a strong, energy filled, and athletic little boy. Friends and family marveled at how obedient my son was. They remarked how amazing it was that a child of his age with DS could know what, “Get self control” meant. “Of course”, I would think smugly, “I have high expectations for my boy”.

Pride can be good, but pride when focused incorrectly, can be an ugly thing.

Welcome to Kansas City and the 2007 National Down Syndrome Congress Convention. Welcome to the slap in the face of my reality. Married DS couples? DS karate instructors? Oh my, DS associate degree holders who swim the English Channel!? My world was turned upside down. Cleaning tables? Taking out Trash? My “High expectations” that I held for my son seem pretty low if you ask me.

What I now realize is that it’s OK for me to have High expectations for Grail. My son may not earn an associates degree or run a marathon, but I need to cultivate and encourage his interests. While doing so I must support every goal that Grail sets and relish in every victory that Grail celebrates. Most importantly throughout whatever path Grail sets to follow I need to just enjoy my son.