Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Almost There

I really haven't been clear about the adoption, have I?
OK, after a few months of meetings and stuff we were chosen to be the adoptive parents of a 5 month old baby boy with Down Syndrome.
We are now approaching the state mandated 6 months of having him in our home before he can be officially adopted.
The lady with the private charity organization we are adopting through just left after having us fill out tons more paper work. (We'll come back to this)
We are doing an open adoption. That means the birth families get to visit him at least monthly [feels like freag'n more] and have all sorts of contact with him. Now, we signed the papers knowing this.
Now, if anyone is considering an open adoption, DON'T! Seriously, don't do it. They'll give you all of these books trying to tell you how wonderful it is as you "parent" together. Let's think about that for a moment....You gave your child up for adoption, you gave up your right to "parent" that child! The books make it look WONDERFUL, for the birth family! They don't (and with good reason) bother getting the adoptive parent perspective. That's because it sucks for them. It is a pain totally disruption of your family. These interlopers always wanting as many visits as possible whenever it's convenient for them.
Let the child go!!! You chose another family for a reason. Let the child adjust to his/her new forever family!
OK, so, The birth families on both sides, still don't get it. They have this perception that we are some sort of annoying baby sitters they have to wrestle with whenever they want to see "their" child. No cutting of the cord here.
So, since his name is still legally what he was born with, we've been calling him by that name.
Well, now that we are approaching d-day, we are calling him a new name that we chose.
The lady from (Now we're back to this) the adoption agencey comes with his old name all over all the documents, and seemed absolutely shocked that we change his name. HE'S FREAG'N OURS LADY!
With her, an adoption specialist, reacting like that, we know it's going to not only surprise the birth family, but stink'n piss them all off.
That may actually make it all worth it. :)

No comments: